Little Angel
by moonlight64
Summary: Red John is dead and there's just a big mess in Jane's head. He hadn't gotten his revenge; Lisbon had taken it from him, but not without a reason. Soon Jane realizes how far she was going for him, but even more important: why? ( **JISBON** but not utterly fluffy )


Once again a case was closed; once again she had to go on a stressful meeting with her bosses. The only difference was that this time, it was about the closure of a special case. Red John was dead; it weren't even five hours after she had pulled that trigger. What she hadn't known before was that she had taken two lives with this one shot. She had taken Jane's revenge, although he had begged her not to. She hadn't wanted it, but it had been the only way to protect him. If he had shot Red John, he would be sitting in jail now instead of in his attic and that was the last thing she could bear. But the price she had to pay was high; he hadn't looked at her once, hadn't talked to her, he just had walked away from her, as far as possible. It had hurt like hell, but she was willing to suffer if it meant he could deal with his demons.

When she sat on her desk, ten minutes left until the meeting would start, she realized that he would probably leave as soon as possible. It made the corners of her mouth drop further, her heart fall into pieces which hurt more with every second she dared to think about the incredible sadness in his eyes, which she had faced only a few hours ago for probably the last time. She grabbed a white sheet of paper and a pen and started writing. The words just started flowing out of her hand, in beautiful letters onto the paper. When she reached the lower edge, she finished, folded it twice and walked out of her office.

When she passed Grace's desk, she said to the younger agent. " Uhm, Van Pelt, could you give this note to Jane? I'm in a hurry, so would you do me this favor? "

" Of course… " The redhead said. " I'll give it to him when he shows up. "

Sighing Lisbon went to the elevator. Somehow she felt like she wouldn't be able to concentrate in this meeting; at least not on the case.

When Jane quietly walked down the stairs, he honestly hoped that nobody saw him. But of course, as it always is in life, his whish didn't come true. Grace hurried over to him with something in her hand.

" Jane; wait! " She said and handed him the piece of paper. " Lisbon asked me to give that to you… "

" It's from Lisbon? " He asked and twisted it between his fingers. " Well, give it back to her. "

He wanted to give it back to Grace, but she stepped back. " Oh, no! That is your business and I'm not the postman here! " Without waiting for his answer she went back to her desk.

Sighing, Jane slid the note into his pocket and walked over to the kitchen. He didn't want to read it, at least not now...

He made himself some tea and walked back to his attic. Groaning he continued putting all the stuff he had collected about Red John in the past years into brown boxes. There were photos, reports, interviews… A pretty old interview suddenly caught his attention. It was an interview with Lisbon, about ten years old, after Jane himself had shot Red John's companion to save Lisbon's life. He had done it without thinking and if it had meant anything that he had chosen Lisbon over Red John, he didn't regret it though to have saved her. She definitely was an important part of his life and had been since the very beginning.

Then he remembered her note and sat down on a chair while pulling it out.

Still he couldn't decide if he should open it; there was just a big mess in his head!

She had killed Red John… He hadn't gotten his revenge.

Curiosity was too much then and he opened the note.

The first thing he noticed was her beautiful handwriting. The black letters were somehow fascinating. Then he started reading.

_Dear Jane._

_This might be kind of stupid, but I thought it was easier to write than to say it. _

_It makes me really sad to see the anger and sadness in your eyes and it hurts me even more that I'm the reason for that. I want you to know that you have every right to be angry with me, but I'm not going to regret that I shot Red John. There's a reason why I did it. I couldn't live with the thought of you being in jail, that's it. If you'd have shot him, you'd be in jail now and I'd still be here. I know, you'll probably leave, so I'll be alone sooner or later anyway, but I want at least you to enjoy your life. Please do me the favor and be happy again._

_So, there's one more thing left to say before I loose you forever…_

_I was scared over years to admit it, but I decided that it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do. I don't want to look back at my life later and say 'what if'…_

_Patrick Jane, I love you more than my own life and that will never change. You mean so much to me, I can't put it in words. I know you don't feel the same way, but as I said, I had to tell you before you leave. And I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me for taking your revenge away from you. I just love you too much to see you wasting your life like that._

_Please move on with your life and don't think about me; I hope you can forget your past, even if it means you'll forget me._

_I promise I will always love you and keep you in my heart forever. Thank you for giving me the best time of my life. _

_Yours sincerely, _

_Teresa. _

That left him speechless. What was he supposed to do now…? All he could do was wiping his tears away. He completely understood it now; why she had shot Red John… Just everything! His little Teresa was deeply in love with him. He couldn't be angry with her for something so selfless and sweet. Well, he couldn't be angry with her anyway. Though he was crying, he smiled. She always had been the braver one of them, and now she was the one to say what had burned on his soul, what had made his heart heavy as stones for years.

If he was honest with himself, he had to admit that he hadn't wanted to leave, although he had told everybody else differently.

Quickly he jumped up and unintentionally kicked a box. Sheets of paper fell out of it, but he couldn't care less. He just had to see Lisbon now. Now, it was his part to apologize.

When he reached the right floor, he noticed that nobody was there anymore and just the light in Lisbon's office was still turned on. It was after twelve after all!

He quietly walked over to her office and opened the door. Just in the right moment he stopped himself from talking; she was lying on her couch, eyes closed and legs tightly hugged to her chest. Her bag was standing on her desk, so he guessed she hadn't planned to fall asleep on her couch. She looked so adorable, his heart melted a little. Talking could wait; right in that moment, Jane just sat down next to her on the couch and watched her sleep. To see her at her most vulnerable made him realize how small and fragile she actually was. Sometimes he forgot this with that always strong, bossy mask she used to wear. She looked like a little angel.

He just watched her, memorizing every inch of her beauty. Then he noticed her flushed cheeks with glimmering trails on them. Obviously she had been crying, which made him shiver. Honestly, he was pretty sure that it had been about him, which made the whole situation even worse. His selfish behavior had made her cry… And she never cried about anything. Quietly, he grabbed a blanket from one of the chairs and covered her with it. She made a little squeaky noise and cuddled deeper into the couch.

Although he felt really bad about the whole situation, he smiled. If he just could watch her for the rest of his life, he'd be completely happy. But unfortunately she would wake up soon and then there would be a mess again. He sighed; probably it was the best to leave before she woke up. But before that, there was still time, so he just continued watching her.

He had the desire to touch her hair, it looked so incredible tempting in the dim light, but he resisted to not wake her up now. So while stared at her, he mused about plenty of things which could, should or would change.

After she had made it impossible for him to leave, everything would change with him staying.

First of all he would have to find out if she really meant what she had written; but then, Lisbon wasn't the kind of woman who'd say something that important without thinking thoroughly, so he could cross that out. Instead, he decided that he would apologize first and tell her that he would stay. With her. He would make her believe him, doesn't matter what it takes. He would make it up to her; all the pain he had caused, all the tears she had cried because of him. He would pick up the pieces. He would tell her that he loved her as well, that he loved her more than she probably ever had been loved by anybody. And he would be with her, always and forever.

If he just wasn't such a coward… He was scared already, although he knew she felt the same way. No, he wouldn't be scared. She hadn't been scared as she wrote the letter, so he wouldn't be scared when he answered to it. Even if he chose the difficult way of saying it out loud instead of writing. No, he wouldn't be scared.

When Teresa woke up the next morning, her eyes hurt and she noticed the blanked which had been laid over her. Sighing she sat up; why was she laying on her office couch?

She had just wanted to take a quick nap before heading home last night. Oh well, obviously she had skipped the heading home part. Then only she realized that someone might have seen her and jumped up. Carefully she looked through the blinds and sighed as nobody was there. To her great luck she always kept the most necessary stuff in her desk, so she went to the bathroom to get herself cleaned up.

When she removed her jacket, a white note fell out of the right pocket.

Wondering she picked it up and unfolded it. Obviously it was from Jane; she recognized the handwriting. There stood:

_Meet me in the attic at 10_

Nothing more. She locked at her watch and realized that it was nearly ten, so she hurried with changing, brushing her teeth and doing her hair. Well, for the last mentioned thing she didn't have time anymore, so she just brushed it quickly with her fingers while walking up to his attic. She was nervous, because she had no idea what to expect. Probably he just wanted to blame her for his sadness and honestly, she could understand it. Before knocking on the door, she thought about how she could make it up to him.

He heard a quiet knock on the door and then it opened. "Jane? " Lisbon said quietly, but didn't dare to look in his eyes. Neither did he dare to look at her.

" Uhm, listen Jane, about this letter… " She started but her voice died quickly. Then a long time of silence followed and he turned away to face the window.

" Jane. " She tried again, shivering in fear. " I'm so sorry… I want to make it up to you. I can't bear to see this sadness in your eyes any longer. "

She stepped into the middle of the room and took a deep breath. " I'm yours now. You can do with me whatever you want. You can make me do anything and I swear, I will obey without complaining. "

He didn't say anything and just kept staring out of the window which made her even more scared and insecure. But she kept standing straight.

" Close your eyes. " He ordered.

She quickly obeyed and kept her eyes shut tightly. Suddenly and without any intention tears started running down her face. She didn't dare to wipe them away, but a little whimper escaped her throat.

Jane turned around quickly and stepped in front of her. " Please don't cry! " His voice was quiet and gentle. " There's no reason at all! "

Carefully he brushed her tears away and then kept caressing her cheek with his thumb.

" Just listen, ok? Trust me…" He whispered and she nodded. Then he picked her up quietly and went to sit on his makeshift bed, placing her next to him.

" First of all you should know that I won't leave. I couldn't leave with you being here, lonely and sad. But that's not the point. I'm so sorry for everything I ever did to you. And never ever I would be angry with you; what you did was the sweetest thing anybody has ever done for me, so stop being sorry. I can't believe how far you would go for me. " He said. " Look at me… "

She opened her eyes and was surprised by how close he was to her.

" The only one who has to make something up to somebody is me. You deserve so much more than I ever could give you, but I will try! I promise I will do everything possible to give you exactly what you deserve and more. " He kept staring into her eyes and she stared back.

" This letter; it opened my eyes, it cleared the mass Red John's death had caused. You wanted me to move on and I want to do this with you. I love you, more than you can imagine. I beg you to forgive me; please give me one more chance. I swear I won't hurt you. "

She was speechless, so she just nodded.

" I love you… " He repeated and smiled, which made her smile in return.

" I love you too, but you already know that… " She smiled shyly and looked down at her hand. He followed her gaze and interlaced their fingers. Both smiled even more.

" Let's make a deal… " He said. " I do you the favor and become happy again and you do me the favor and let me love you for the rest of our lives. "

" Sounds like a good deal. " She smiled and squeezed his hand.

" Welcome to your new life… " He breathed and pressed a light kiss onto her lips.

Her heart jumped when his lips touched hers for the first time. She had never known that it was possible to love someone that much; her heart felt like exploding.

He wanted to pull away, but she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Smiling against her lips, he deepened the kiss. She was his now and he was hers.

Life would change from now on; they were sure about that. But together they would manage whatever might be coming next.


End file.
